October Overview

Another month that is flying by! The leaves are changing, the garden is harvested, and the weather is consistently cool enough for me to put away the kids summer clothes. Mary is resisting the change in season and repeatedly retrieves her pink shorts and pink short sleeve shirt from the storage box.  I used to carry extra diapers everywhere we went. Now I carry a change of clothes for when she decides it really is too cold for shorts. Sometimes she puts the shorts over the pants. Mostly she won't wear the pants and walks around muttering, "Freeeeezin'! "

My birthday was earlier this month. As cliche as it is to say, I don't feel any older. A local cosmetic surgeon disagrees apparently. He sent me a "birthday discount certificate" for botox treatment. How's that for rubbing it in? Even with that reminder of the inevitable effects of aging, I had a great birthday. My parents and brothers were in town and it was nice to celebrate with them.  More than the celebration, it was just nice to have them here. Then Luke treated me to a birthday dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, followed by the question, "Don't you want to go shopping?" I'd say that's worth getting a year older!

Also earlier this month was General Conference weekend. Twice a year, the Prophet and other general leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints hold a conference to make announcements and give updates that are of general interest for church members world wide. They also share different faith-inspiring messages and give counsel. The conference is held in a large conference center in downtown Salt Lake City, but it is also broadcast on TV and internet so that anyone who wants can listen in at home. We like to try and involve our kids in this significant occurrence. We also like to actually listen, and the two don't coincide very well. We compromise by requiring the kids to come in for the first hymn, the opening prayer, and to hear the Prophets introductory message. Then the deal is they if they leave us alone for the rest of the time we won't make them sit and listen any longer. Here's how the Saturday morning session of Conference started for us:

(music playing, scenes of the Salt Lake Temple are being shown) The announcer states,"This is  the 178th semiannual General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . . ."

Madeleine, with annoyance, " WHAT! I thought it was the 178th  last time! (explanation of semi-annual and annual being in the same year and hence the same number given by dad)

The Morman Tabernacle Choir begins to sing the opening hymn. The camera zooms in on the Sopranos, dressed in magenta gowns adorned with a cluster of  glittering sequins at the neck.

Mary: Ooo, look at all the purple girls!

Beth: They are wearing grapes on their dresses

Everyone is quiet while the opening prayer is said. After the "Amen". . .

Beth: (sigh) "I'm bored already!"

That 5 minutes is as far as we got with the kids. No matter. Luke and I enjoyed the rest of the speakers. There is always something said that makes you feel good about what you're doing, and something that helps you want to do the things you're not. I really liked this comment from Elder L. Tom Perry:

There are cycles of good and bad times, ups and downs, periods of joy and sadness, and times of plenty as well as scarcity. When our lives turn in an unanticipated and undesirable direction, sometimes we experience stress and anxiety. One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic. Perhaps when difficulties and challenges strike, we should have these hopeful words of Robert Browning etched in our minds: “The best is yet to be” 

I don't think that means difficult things won't bother us, or that we should pretend things are great when they aren't. But I do think looking forward with hope can make the difference in what we learn from our experiences. Life's not perfect and neither am I, and I find that believing in the possibility of improvement keeps my head up. When I think of my husband and our daughters, I look forward to making each new phase in our lives the best yet. Of course, when I think of how blessed I am to have them, it's hard to believe life could get any better.

We Did Better This Week

This dress was mine when I was little. Mary wore it begrudingly because it didn't match her lipstick. 

"OK, I'm dressed for church!"

The shirt is dirty. The shorts are inside out. That's a hair scrunchy around her waist. Oh, and it's snowing outside.

Complaint for the Day

I seem to be a magnet for phone solicitors, no matter what I do. We registered for the National Do Not Call list,  I ask everyone who calls to take us off their list, I do not give my phone number out to anyone except people I actually want to talk to, and still my phone is plagued on a daily basis with aggravating interruptions from people who incorrectly pronounce our last name and try to manipulate me into buying things I don't want. It is 11:30 a.m. and there have been three already this morning. One insulted me for not agreeing to buy anything from their supposedly charitable organization (incidentally, I bought something from them before and I'm pretty sure their organization is a fraud, hence the refusal), the second tried to scam me into using their long-distance service, and the third I didn't answer.

I try to be nice, I really do. I used to work at a call center and I know they are just starving college students trying to earn some money, but honestly! If you're going to get me out of the shower and then ask for my husband by the wrong name, and tell me I already want what you have and you just need to verify my address, don't be surprised if I hang up on you with no further explanation than a curt, "No thank you."  If I wanted to change my phone service, my cable service, my mortgage company, or get a warrantee for my car I would initiate that process myself and do it at some time other than in the middle of eating dinner. And why is my phone number, my phone bill, and how many long distance calls I make per month anyone else's business in the first place?

While I'm at it, let me also note I spent almost an hour at the bank yesterday opening a fraud investigation on some unauthorized charges to our debit card. I'm sure everyone else was previously aware of this, but I only learned yesterday that allowing companies to take a monthly draw through your debit card is a bad idea. If you set up that arrangement for paying your bill, and then you cancel your service or subscription, they still have your card info and can make withdrawals without the bank flagging it as unusual activity. Fortunately for me, the bank believed my claim without asking for any documentation (and without chastising me for not noticing the charges sooner, which would've been deserved) and they are recovering the money. 

Moral of the story: keep your credit information to yourself as much as possible, and don't bother making a mad dash to answer the phone; it's just a telemarketer. 

I feel better now. Thanks for listening. 

South of The Border

(Sorry Amy R., you already know all this too :) 

Just as I started getting into the swing of things with school, Luke and I left for the Mexican Riviera.  Seth and Amy (Luke's sister and brother-in-law) joined us and we had a great time. We went for a whole week, which made me nervous in respect to leaving the kids, but they held up alright.

Despite hurricane season the weather gave us no problems and the resort was great; I love all-inclusives. We enjoyed golfing, swimming, reading, relaxing, snorkeling, site seeing, and eating - a lot. The first day we were there I slept in, took a nap, and went to bed early. In between I ate and read books and hardly moved from my pool-side lounge chair. All that sitting around wore me out so I slept in the next day too :) 

A really cool place we went was a state park called Xel-ha. We rode bikes through the jungle to get to the mouth of the river. Then we snorkled down the river to where it met the ocean. We saw the largest school of fish I've even seen.  It was almost hypnotizing to see how that group of thousands of fish could move and turn all together. Suddenly I decided it would be fun to try and swim into the middle of the school and be surrounded by all those fish.  I started to swim slowly down into the center of the mass only to be met by a jelly fish swimming slowly up out of it. Mental note to self - trying to swim through a school of fish is a bad idea.  

On the same day, we toured the site of some Mayan ruins. They were amazing and the scenery was beautiful. It was just so dang hot and there were mosquitos everywhere so we didn't linger too long.  One morning we enjoyed riding ATV's on the beach and in the jungle (well, mostly enjoyed - I was holding on for dear life most of the time). We saw an alligator in a marshy spot in the jungle but I was without a camera. Oh well.  We took  some wave runners out on the ocean and the water was so clear I got an irresistible urge to go snorkeling again.  We joined a short afternoon snorkel excursion and it turned out to be one of the best snorkel experiences we've ever had. There was so much to see everywhere and several species I don't believe we've seen before. I kept a nice distance from any large schools that time.

One of the highlights for me was the sea turtles. We were walking back from dinner and this baby sea turtle was flip-flopping it's way across the side walk. Seth tried to point it to the ocean but it kept turning around, so he picked it up and started carrying it to the beach. Then we saw another, and another. When we got to the beach hotel security was there with a bucket full of baby turtles they were taking to the ocean. Without the moon on the water, the turtles were confused by the hotel lights and couldn't find their way to the water. We picked them up and held them and took pictures. Then I thought, "Aren't these endangered, and therefore illegal to touch?" Woops. But at least we were trying to save them while we were touching them.

It was a great week but like all good things, it had to come to an end. Home was waiting and in some ways I was glad to see it. What can I say? There's no place like home. Although, when you're not home, on the beach in Mexico is a very nice runner-up. 

A Smart Mother

When a child in bed with a stomach ache promises, "I don't need a bowl. I'm not going to throw up," a smart mother would not believe them and go get the bowl anyway.

When a birthday party invitation arrives, a smart mother would write down all the information in her planner and post the invitation in a prominent place as a reminder, instead of misplacing the invitation and then wondering, "Was someone supposed to be somewhere today?" on the day of the party. 

When her husband is out of town and her children are asleep by 8:00, a smart mother would go to bed herself and not stay up until midnight blogging.

When she hears herself say, "I don't know if this is a good show for you to watch. I don't like the way they talk," a smart mother would go change the channel despite her children's cajoling protests.

When thinking back over the things she wishes she'd done differently, a smart mother will learn from her mistakes, laugh at herself, and above all, just be grateful that she is a mother. 

My Side of the Story (this is my longest post ever, but I wanted the details for myself. Sorry.))

August was one of those brief phases in life that you don't want to end but can't wait until it's over.  I was so glad to have time with the girls all home and I felt like the summer went too fast, but I was happy anticipating the great experiences they would have once school started. Mostly I needed to get all of us to the point where we were in a routine and over our fears. Particularly me.

After the class assignments came, I talked a lot of brave talk to my anxious little Madeleine, and then I found a quiet minute alone to personally freak out. Last June, a parent I met in a random encounter felt compelled to unload her negative opinion about Mrs. Johnson on me and encouraged me to take pains to avoid her. Since then I had feared the worst in regards to Madeleine's class assignment and now the worst was happening. I was also sad that Madeleine didn't have her friends in her class because I knew how important that was to her. I didn't know how help improve her perspective when the view didn't look too great from where I sat either. My first course of action was to email Luke in a panic. He replied in his typically unruffled tone, "Everyone has at least one weird teacher. She'll be fine." I sat on my bed in tears telling myself three things; 1) just because one kid and their parents didn't hit it off with this teacher doesn't make her a horrible person and an inexcusable educator. WE might like her even if they didn't. 2) I believe with all my heart that our Father in Heaven knows my daughter, her situation, and her needs. I have faith that He will watch over her and teach her what she needs to learn. If that means being in a class with a difficult teacher then He will help me to know how I can support Madeleine and bring to pass His will for her.  3) I'll watch that teacher like a hawk and if she makes one wrong move toward Madeleine so help me . . .

Beyond concern for Madeleine, I had been apprehensive for weeks about simply being able to pull this off. Getting everyone up, dressed, fed, out the door, homework done, papers signed, snacks packed, uniforms clean . . . for all three kids everyday - the thought of the physical demand had me scared sick. I became fully convinced that if I didn't live up to all of it everyday then their adjustment to school would be difficult and I would be at fault. How would they feel if they got to school and they didn't have what they needed? What would they do if I dropped them off at the wrong place or at the wrong time? What would they think if all the other kids knew what was going on and they didn't because I had forgotten to tell them? Going from one child in school to three  gave me a new empathy for the parents of twins. Instead of gradually easing into the next phase one child at time, we were jumping in two at once. On top of that, the one child who should already be comfortable regarding school was the most disconcerted!  For the next two weeks I tried to appear at my best and braced for the worst. 

I became an expert in subtle propaganda tactics. Suddenly, there were all kinds of reasons we needed to stop in at the school. I guided the girls through the hallways with butterflies in my stomach, hoping each visit would put them more at ease. When we went to the family picnic I was so tense I was literally sore by the time we got home. On "class gathering" day I was too anxious to go to the "parent reception" portion of the event. Who could eat a muffin at a time like that?!

By the conclusion of the back-to-school social events, I had stacks of forms to fill out and pictures to send in and the kids had "homework" that was supposed to go with them on the first day. The night before school I stayed up until midnight working on all the paperwork and printing photos that the teachers had requested. Finally, I made a decision; I was not going to do it. I would not be the mother who had everything completed, in order, and delivered on the first day. I would not. My kids would be there with or without their paperwork and the world would keep turning. Come to think of it, there's still a sheet from Mary's class I need to fill out around here somewhere . . . I set aside what was yet unfinished and tried, unsuccessfully for the most part, to sleep.

I teetered through the morning of the first day as though I  was keeping my balance on the edge of a cliff. Ok, maybe it wasn't THAT bad. More accurately, I felt as though I was only one wrong move away from completely unraveling. But, as you discovered in my post about the first day of school, we survived. I didn't even break down when I realized I was supposed to have brought Mary's book bag, although I came close for a second.  All in all, I really enjoyed the first day. I found it delightful to watch each girl as their distinctly different personalities were reflected in their reactions. Even with all my mom-guilt and fears of inadequacy, taking them to school was a joy. I am so grateful for their opportunities and so hopeful for the possibilities in their futures. The element of drama took it's toll though.  I brought Mary and Beth home at 11:00 and I went back to bed at 11:05 :) 

Dropping Beth off for her first day of class in Kindergarten was far less nerve racking than the previous day. She CELEBRATED going to school. Her expression was adorable beyond words as she entered the room, found her cubby, and went to her seat. She gushed and giggled and sighed blissfully, beaming with pride that she was now, officially, in school. I reveled in the moment and was so happy for her. I smiled all the way to the car and out of the parking lot. Then I cried the whole way home. My little girl, off to school and so big now. Exactly what do you call that feeling when the joy derived from loving your child squeezes your heart so tightly it hurts? Mary heard my sniffles and asked what was wrong. I answered, "I'm just a little sad because I am going to miss Beth while she is at school." (pause from the back seat) "Well, we're going to go get her and bring her home today!" "I know," I laughed, "I'll stop crying in a few minutes." (another pause) "You don't have to stop crying," Mary offered practically, "You can still eat when you are crying." Later, I noticed a message from Tori's mom. She had kindly called to commiserate with me, sharing that she was "having a sad moment" as she drove home. Her thoughtfulness in that moment couldn't have been more appreciated. 

The next day Mary had her first day of class. Her demeanor was subdued as she approached her cubby and she would not be coaxed into a smile for my ever-clicking camera. Not until I led her further into the classroom did it occur to me that I never prepared her for "extended day," the extra hour after her class when she would stay and have lunch. I hurriedly tried to explain the procedure as well as the reason (so I could collect her at the same time that Beth is dismissed), and finally left her in her teacher's hands.  Confident that Mrs. Kristie had things under control, I headed home, alone. The car had never felt so quiet. My thoughts seemed so loud they virtually echoed in my mind.  I made a mental note to start bringing my IPOD in the car with me. In the five years that I'd had it, I'd not yet connected it in the car. The girls chattering away from the back seats always provided enough background noise before. Without them the silence was odd.  Entering the quiet house was different though. I looked around, sighed with relief, and smiled slowly. Three hours, all to myself . . .

We've been in the school mode for several weeks now.  It's a daily scramble, as opposed to the controlled and orderly process I continue to envision, but we are happy. The routine is demanding but the structure is good for us. So far no one has gone without an essential item and I haven't forgotten to pick anyone up after school. And guess what? Madeleine's teacher is really great! (Moral of that story: if you don't like your kids teacher, keep it to yourself so you don't cause other people to lose sleep! ) Madeleine really likes her and I have found her to be professional, qualified, reasonable, creative, and helpful.  Beth is thriving and constantly announcing the beginning of new friendships. Mary has the "extended day" leaders wrapped around her finger and though she drags her feet and insists "it's boooring" she is smiling when I pick her up from school.

Thus begins a new phase for me and I'm not %100 sure how I feel about it yet. Previously, the next step was laid out before the last was taken - each school grade proceeded another, college followed high-school, a mission followed college, getting married was ahead as I left my mission behind,  and after each baby I anticipated another before long. Now here I am, dangling from the last link in that chain of events and wondering what comes next when your baby was your last.  Please don't misunderstand me. I'm at no loss as to how to fill my time. My question isn't with what, but in what order? Perhaps I should get my Master's, or start a part-time career, or become engulfed in a new hobby. Someday, maybe. For now, I'm beyond content to enjoy my children in this new phase of theirs, and occasionally take a nap:)