Being Thanksgiving everybody is talking about things they are grateful for. Today after lunch it occurred to me that one of the things I am grateful for is something I don't even like very much. Doing dishes. Dishes and I have never gotten along very well. Repeitive, messy, and NEVER ENDING, I can think of any number of other things I would rather do, even in the realm of housework, than wash dishes. So why be grateful for it? Well, for one thing having a sink full of dirty dishes means you just had a full meal and that is truly something to be grateful for. But that's not it. Another reason might be a sink full of dirty dishes means you HAVE dishes - and a sink to put them in - and running water to wash them with. All things to to be grateful for, and I am, but that's not it either. Nope, this gratitude comes from a lesson that was long in the learning but hopefully not short in forgetting.
About eight years ago my body started breaking down and I didn't know why. Small things became hard things and hard things kept getting harder. The harder things got, the less worthwhile doing them seemed to be. I left the grocery cart full of groceries in the aisle and went home empty handed because I was too tired to finish the shopping. I put my wet hair in a pony tail because the hair dryer was too heavy to hold up that long. I avoided leaving the house because the car seats seemed too hard to buckle and the diaper bag felt too heavy to carry. I remember standing at the sink trying to do dishes and stopping every few minutes to lay down because it hurt too much to stand that long. So I stopped cooking, and I stopped cleaning up. Somewhere in there I stopped smiling. I stopped playing with my children and started lying to them, pretending that giving them extra minutes of TV time was a "treat" when really it was a ruse so I could go lay in bed with the lights off and the blinds closed. Extra minutes turned to hours and while I lay there, leaving them unattended, I started lying to myself, telling myself that they didn't notice, that they didn't miss me, that they didn't need me anyway. Inflammation, fatigue, dizziness, blurred vision, left-sided weakness, and muscle spasms crept in and made themselves at home while my home went unkept and my children unattended and left me in the middle of it feeling frustrated, embarrassed, confused, and very, very sad.
I don't know what I would've done without my husband. The thought of him helped me rally every day and the sight of him coming home in the evening lifted my heavy heart. I am inexpressibly grateful for him. With his help and support, I sought medical attention in all kinds of places which led to tests for brain tumors and Multiple Sclerosis and lots of late nights wondering "why?" and "what if?" Those tests came back negative (thank goodness) and then life became a carousel of physical therapy appointments and a roller coaster of health practioners for the next seven years. During that time we were blessed to find wonderful nannies who helped me do what I couldn't on my own and had a positive impact in my children's lives. I am grateful for their support and influence. Meanwhile my children were angels who walked beside me and helped me bring my smile back. I am grateful for their examples of forgiveness and unconditional love.
Now here I am, in my kitchen, standing at the sink, washing the dishes. Earlier I shopped for our groceries and cooked our meal. Later I'll pick the kids up from school and help them with their homework. I am stronger. I am healthier. I am happier. I have seen miracles that brought me to this point. And I. Am. Grateful. I am grateful that I didn't have a brain tumor. I am grateful that I don't have MS. I am grateful that I have a husband who saw me through heavy hearted times and loves me more for it. I am grateful for beautiful children that fill my soul with pervading love at the sound of their laugh and the sight of them sleeping. I am grateful that I can take care of them. I am grateful that my life is full of everyday normal things and that I am here to embrace it. I am grateful for doing dishes.
